REALITY

I remember being little. It wasn't too long ago, I guess.

My brothers would often chase me around the unfinished basement and up the staircase and around the furniture and back down again until they caught up with me or I found the perfect hiding place. Those were the only kinds of adventures I ever had. Those shivers of excited and pretended fear that shook my little frame and popped out in giggles and squeals were the only manifestation in my life of fright in any form. I knew nothing of hunger or cold or desperation, yet I complained of being hungry before dinner or chilly when I stepped outside or upset because I scraped a knee. I've wasted so much time whining and wishing and waiting.

I wasn't being ridiculous. I was honest. I was a little girl.

The world outside my house is a big one and an exceptionally frightening one. I still have not seen all the hunger or the cold or the desperation that goes on... not even in my own neighborhood. I won't ever see most of it. I can solve almost none of it.

There are books so big with words I can't pronounce and in languages that I'll never learn, and they come by the hundreds of thousands of million-bajillions. Places that I'll never hear of will sit undiscovered by me or anybody. And as if this planet wasn't enough to deal with, there are bigger things that cannot be explained or imagined that float along far outside of our atmospheric bubble.

I am far more a little girl now than I used to be, so why is it that I feel ready to face this enormous place? My emptiness is filled with one simple truth: I am a daughter of God.

What can I be afraid of?

Knotted

This is a poem that I love from President Packer's most recent conference address, "Prayer and Promptings."

With thoughtless and impatient hands

We tangle up the plans

The Lord hath wrought.

And when we cry in pain He saith,

"Be quiet, man, while I untie the knot."

What a beautiful, uncomplicated parable! I'm finally learning to loosen my grip on the knot and allow the Lord to take over. It's hard at first, but seeing the benefits that come has most effectively changed my attitude. Now it's not a matter of wondering if I should trust Him or not, it's a matter of allowing Him to do with me what He will.

Small World?

My mission papers have been officially submitted! My stake president said that my call should come in two or three weeks and I can't believe how excited I am.

Any guesses as to where I am going?? :)

(For your benefit, here is a list that you can choose from.)

Undercurrent

I have found a kind of truth that will not let my thoughts wander far. The outline of this map surrounds the ground that is safe and wonderful. I trek a multitude of terrains within these borders, sometimes meandering slowly, allowing the air and the details to fill me up and other times I sprint rapidly with only seconds to glance fleetly at the horizon. Everything is beautiful. There is so much to explore here, more things than I could find in my short lifetime.

In the times when I come to the edge of these safe lands, I watch others who dwell outside and see them exploring dangerous and hostile areas. They are thrilled at the risk and sometimes have no idea there could be another way to live. Unfortunately I've walked those vicious roads too. I still do by accident sometimes. But I know where I live now, and I want these people to live here too. There are several rules and boundaries that should not be crossed here, but there is so much depth. Steep cliffs and snow and glinting, blinding sun, and there are caves and ravines that are deep and full of life that we cannot see with our human eyes. Oceans full of green things and sand and multicolored life forms that blink and gape at us. Prairies with hundreds of different kinds of grasses and flowers and insects. Forests and deserts and islands. It is safe here and it is a seedbed for growth and discovery. Everything here denotes truth and expands our minds. Each element of this place within the secure lifelines is a metaphor and a lesson to be learned.

I need to tell people about this place! Cry out as loudly as I can and show them the way. The rules to be followed here spell out FREEDOM. My mind becomes flexible and stretches farther than I ever thought possible. Do not try to stop me. You cannot. This undercurrent of joy and of excited energy tugs gently at my heart, reminding me of home. This is a feeling I have known before, and this is a feeling I want forever.