Monday, December 15, 2008

Battle

You've heard before

of a Savior,
merciful,
who waits just out of reach.

He watches you.
He weeps.
With each blow you receive
He trembles
for He knows that pain all too well.
It takes all the strength He possesses
for Him to hold back His
gentle,
powerful
Hands.

You recognize Him.
You are desperate for His company.
You long to be
l o o s e d 
from the bands which hold you fast
but you cannot meet His Gaze.

Shame steadily eats away at your heart
while He, who has done nothing wrong,
suffers with you.
Yet, as you ache
to the point of no tears,
you know you cannot break the chains
alone.

Beckoning.
Pleading.
Imploring.
He whispers your name.
You need only ask for His Rest.

In the moment of true hopelessness
your eyes,
unguarded,
reach His.

You lift a trembling hand 
toward His flawless face.
His eyes brighten
as He offers a scarred palm.

You are too weak to stand by yourself,
but He will never
never
leave you alone
as long as your fingers are stretched
toward His Hands;
as long as your eyes look up
to His Face;
as long as your heart yearns 
for His Rest.

Using all the strength you have
and crying for the strength He can give,
you know there is
not
one
thing
that could keep you from trying.
You feebly bring yourself to your knees
and come closer.

With each agonizing moment,
each tear,
it becomes easier to move
because now He knows you can
and He eagerly reaches to help.

Fingers softly meet,
and as He slackens the chains around your wrists
you fall once again
to your knees.
Not from weakness now,
but from strength;
strength you didn't know you possessed;
the strength that only comes
from Him.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Not Now

WAIT!
This can't happen...
not now!

My life was mapped out,
scripted,
edited and revised
and in it's final draft.
I knew the whole story, and it had a happy ending.

In another lifetime of mine
long ago
this would have been a wonderful twist of fate,
a fabulous plot,
but

not now.

My head is spinning
and if the words on the pages keep rearranging themselves
I may never recapture the meaning.

But of course
I am not the Author
even though I sometimes wish I was,
and all of this desperate erasing and hurried scribbling of mine won't do much good.

The blueprints have already been sketched out
by somebody much wiser than me.
The only element I control is the main character,and I wonder: With all of these spiraling storylines and unexpected obstacles,

will I be the heroine or villain of my own story?



Monday, October 13, 2008

sarah, in the life

1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Tiny Taurus
Ha! Lamest rock star ever...

2. YOUR GANGSTA STAR NAME (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Chocolate Flats

Peesh out... mah new album drop next surrrrsdai, ya'll biscutheads (......don't ask.)

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal):

Yes, these are my children... Flying Eagle, Running Bear, oh yeah... and the insane one over there? That's Orange Penguin.

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Lynne Provo

I don't really have a middle name, but if I did, this is what it would be... I can see that, I guess.

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name): Chrsa

And how do you pronounce that, I wonder? Maybe it's Wookie.

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Red Water

Oh so intimidating. :D

7. NASCAR NAME (the names of your grandfathers): Dick Douglas... or Doug Richard.

Either one sounds legit to me!

8. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher's last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Dibb Dover

We'll be experience some dorkiness from the west and some light showers throughout the Wasatch Front...

9. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, favorite flower): Autumn Lily

Double-Oh-Seven Autumn Lily sounds better though.

10. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you are wearing right now): Raspberry Socks

Oh I can just picture it... a cute, cuddly, sugary-sweet, pink ball of fur with googly eyes and striped socks... "Come on kids! Let's all count to four backwards from purple!"

11. HIPPIE NAME (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Granolabar Aspen

HAHAHA this is the best one!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

do you feel unresolved?

you are the only scan in my life.
but this, friend, is no fault of mine!
this unruly scanner is broken
now it won't even scan a straight

stroke.

i've endeavored and toiled and i've strived
in order to get it to work
but, sadly, this scanner's decided
to be stubborn, and frankly, a

moron.

it's determined to eat all my paper
and if it defies me once more
i swear, i won't put up with this bilge.
i'm shoving it out through the

window.

now i've just had it up to my ears
and it's all that this poor girl can take
does anyone here have an asprin?
'cause my head is beginning to

throb.

now, some guys would scream or they'd cry
or they'd kick the darn thing, just to show 'em
but me? well i'm simply a nerd
i've resorted to writing this

ditty.

Friday, September 26, 2008

my dismal dehydration


Toe, heel. Toe, heel.
One foot over the other.

The width of the curb is not very forgiving,
but,
like a gymnast on a beam,
I balance precariously.

The umbrella in my hand
is only catching the wind
and tugging me to either side;
baked brown grass to my right,
and pavement on my left.

There is no rain,
but maybe when the clouds see
how I'm waiting down here,
raincoat and all,
they will take pity on me
and spare a few drops.

Look.
I even wore my plastic boots,
the gaudy yellow ones
that blister my heels
in case of puddles, naturally.
They're called galoshes,
but that word gets stuck in my throat.

It's just my luck.

There has never been
a dryer
umbrella.

Monday, September 1, 2008

love this word

cantankerous

adjective
bad-tempered, argumentative, and uncooperative : a crusty, cantankerous old man

**************************

Don't talk to me
I'm cantankerous
I'm ornery and rude
and irate.

If I say something now
that hurts you somehow,
forgive me.
I'm just in a state.

A state of hysteria
weird, but emphatic
So please, keep your distance
For now

Though tomorrow may bring
more "cantankerous-ing"
Understand, I'm just having
A cow.

In the main,
I'm an angel
A regular gem.
Though my halo hangs
rather askew,

But remember, my dear
when bugs fly in YOUR ear
that "cantankerous" will describe
YOU.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

My All Night Encounter with Mr. Potter

Last night, I decided that I needed to reread Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. (That's book seven, in case you weren't positive.) I'd only read it once before -- the day after it was released -- and that was in a hurry because I wanted to know how it all ended. I read it in less than 10 hours that day and didn't remember much of the story, so of course I wanted to take it nice and slow this time as to let the meaning and events sink in. So at about eight o'clock I sunk into my cozy armchair, clad in warm pajamas and wrapped enchilada-style in a fleece blanket, intent on going to bed at a decent hour. Yeah. Little red lights and sirens should have been going off in my head about then, but apparently my family has been correct in assuming that the wiring in my brain is a little off.

You'd think after nineteen years of reading I would have recognized the pattern. So here's a rule I'm writing for myself, which I'm sure I will break in the future, but it's worth a try: DO NOT BEGIN BOOKS LATE AT NIGHT IF YOU PLAN TO GET ANY REST WHATSOEVER.

So there I am, absentmindedly munching on dry cereal, chewing ferociously at the intense parts, when my alarm clock buzzed annoyingly. Confused, I glanced over at the dresser to see neon numbers garishly glaring at me with the clear message that either my brothers were playing a sick joke on me, or that I had been sucked into this wizarding world once again. 6:30.

Not seeing any point in relinquishing the book for my bed, I quickly finished and hopped into the shower, only now realizing that I hadn't shifted positions once the entire night. My neck groaned in stiff, sharp pain as I tilted my head toward the shampoo. Ouch.

Well I'm off to bed now. No books or anything of the like for me tonight. Just a niiiiice, waaaaarm, relaaaaaxing.... zzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZ.....

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Ode to Kristen and Calvin

Hmmmm.

I was going to try to write a poem here, but sorry... I'm not feeling the vibe. But anyway, this post is dedicated to Kristen and Calvin in the hopes that they will not feel it necessary to get after me for my anti-cyber-social ways.

Today my mom, Becca, Kate, Nate and I went to the Springville Museum of Art. (Jake didn't want to come... he wanted to work in the yard. Of course. Who wouldn't?) As we walked through the rooms filled with Utah-born artist's work I became aware that I have learned to appreciate things in different ways. When I was younger I would have looked at most of the paintings/sculptures/etc. and yawned as I ambled on over to the gift shop, (I suppose that would be because I considered myself a great artist at that age) but taking a closer look at all of the details and colors I realized that visual art is one of the talents I'm definitely lacking in. I mean, I can draw a stick figure just as well as the next guy, but let's be honest, I'm no di Vinci.

Anyway, it made me remember a lesson we had in Sunday school a few weeks ago about having different abilities, and that every talent and trait that we have make up the whole. I don't think they were necessarily talking about talents like visual art, music or sports, but I feel like it can apply to most things. One of my favorite quotes is one from Elder Joseph B. Worthlin's talk from general conference. "The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world." I love that. (Which might be because I'm a sucker for musical references... but who knows.) It's nice to be able to appreciate the talents of others and hopefully someday I'll be able to contribute to the "vibrant orchestra" of talents as well.

Well, that's enough about that. I also wanted to show everybody this new website that my cousin Rachel introduced me to. (Angie, you might especially appreciate this!!) It's called 43things.com, and basically you can make a list of up to 43 things that you want to do, either before you die, or just whatever. A bucket list, so to speak. If/when you end up doing them, you can cross them off the list. I've made my own, and the link is on the right of the screen beneath all of my pictures under "43 things" if any of you want to check it out. (It's kind of an extension of my "To Do Before I Die" post below...)

I guess I'm done for today then. I'll try to be better at keeping this thing up to date. I hope you have a wonderful week!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Felix

Some of you may not have heard that we got a cat at the end of May, so for those of you who didn't know, I have something to say to you: we got a cat at the end of May.
Isn't he cute?


So, let me introduce you to Felix the cat. He loves balls of yarn, chasing his tail, and freaking out. He doesn't like boys in general, but he loves to cuddle with Becca, Kate and I. ((Yay!!)) He climbs all over the furniture and finds lots of precarious perches throughout the house. He is deathly afraid of the stairs and won't even go near the kitchen sink. (We tried to give him a bath once... and lemme just say OUCH!) He knows he shouldn't climb on the dinner table and play with the centerpiece, yet he does anyway. He likes being held like a baby and belly rubs. He's already been nicknamed "Motor" because he purrs loudly and for long
stretches of time. He's at least doubled in size since we got him. If we can't find him, the first place we look is IN the couch in the office. He likes to sprawl out on the piano in the front room for a nice nap in the sun.


Today I went into my parent's bedroom and found him asleep on one of the chairs in, what I thought, had to be the MOST uncomfortable position ever. But it was just so darn cute I had to take pictures! So here he is... Felix.



















Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Chocoholics Annonymous

Wow... I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted anything here! Sorry guys. I know you were all dying to hear from me.

So I've been thinking a lot this week about chocolate. This is not really unusual; however, I've been thinking about it in a different context. You know how we're supposed to exercise moderation in all things? Yeah. Well, I have a problem, and after all these years I'm going to come out and say it.
I have a chocolate addiction.
Yes... yes... Mr. Hershey's and I have been dating.
We sell candy bars at work, and they just sit there on the desk staring at me. Of course since I'm an employee I can have one whenever my little chocoholic heart wants. AHHHHH!! I can't handle it! Today I took a Ziplock baggie full of apple slices to munch on in order to keep my
mouth occupied, and hey! I only gave in to a couple of tootsie rolls, so we're making progress here. But I'm going to need a long term solution here. I figure if I stay away from it as much as possible and treat myself to something once a week I'll be able to "Hershey's Kiss" this habit goodbye!
Wow... that was funny the second before I wrote it down.
Anyway, if you guys have any clever ideas for me, feel free to share.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Apparently I can't just write a journal entry

Uneventful days though they may seem,
Strung together on a fragile thread
Reveal something worth looking at.

Under speculation, no second glances
But take a step back and you'll notice
Changes.
So many.
Little ones,
But always there.

Thoughts tumble through my head,
Freshly laundered;
An almost inaudible hum in the background of my mind.
Instead of separating wishes from reality
Now they blend into days full of new ideas
And the reality of the wishes begin to change.

I become now
Me.
Different from perfect visions long ago
But me, nonetheless.
The rips and hems and patches
That once I scorned as imperfections
I now recognize as character.
My character.

Take away your microscope
The magnification no longer applies.
Step away
And take me as I am.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

To Do Before I Die

Angie had an excerpt from her list on her blog, and it made me want to come up with one of my own. I don't have very much on my list right now, but I'm sure I'll think of more later.

Get married in the temple
Sky dive
Write and conduct a symphony
Try frog legs
Learn a foreign language
Learn to play the cello
Be a mom
Touch a penguin (in the WILD)
Serve a mission (before marriage OR otherwise)
Own a lap dog
Visit all the temples in Utah in one week or less
Run a marathon... well... maybe a HALF marathon...
AUDITION for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Well, that's all I can think of for now. If I think of any more I'll let you know!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Thankful Monday

I've seen a lot of my blogging friends do "Thankful Thursdays." I've been wanting to do my own, but as today is not a Thursday, you'll just have to put up with the fact that there is no alliteration going on. So here is my Thankful Monday entry:

I can't choose just one thing to write about, so I'll list a few things that have been on my mind quite a bit this week.

First and foremost, I'm so thankful for the gospel. It gives me a direction in my life that I wouldn't otherwise have, and it keeps me happy and optimistic even when things go wrong. It gives me hope in overcoming weaknesses and obstacles and provides me with an assurance of love that I don't feel anywhere else.

I'm thankful for my family. Since my high school graduation I've watched my best friends leave to serve missions all over the world, move out of the house, get married, and a host of other experiences. It was extremely hard for me at first because I was still living at home even when I was going to BYU and I felt all alone for a while. I was so used to being with my friends all the time, and all of a sudden they were gone. It took months for me to get over the lonliness, but with the discovery of the stake singles branch and multiple outings with my family I realized that life does go on. I was able to develop a greater love and appreciation for the friends I'm stuck with for all eternity. I'm so glad I can be with them forever.

After mentioning the singles branch, I can't go on without saying how thankful I am that I've been able to be a part of it. I've never felt so accepted by so many people all at once. It was just like being adopted into another happy family and the unconditional love that everyone has for each other is overwhelming.

I'm thankful for spring. I know I've mentioned this before, but I love the warm weather and the colors and sounds that come with it. Heavenly Father has created such a beautiful world for us.

Well I suppose that's all for today. I hope you have had as wonderful a week as I have!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Liberated; a poem

Intimidated
Underestimated
Slowly degraded
Mostly frustrated.

Hidden potential undiscovered

A

d
o
w
n
h
i
l
l

slope
Too steep to dig in heels
Too many wrong steps
No t h i n g to hold on to

FLAILING

DROWNING

GOING UNDER

almost gone


A sliver of light
Pierces the darkness
and rests upon
your face.

A hand
o u t s t r e t c h e d
waits patiently.

Grasping it;
a realization.

Sufficient strength
only comes with
humility
submission
responsibility
faith
and willingness to accept the strength He offers.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Guardian Angel

Good morning everybody!!

It's such a gorgeous day. I love Spring mornings (especially when I don't have school!) I've been planning on going for bike rides in the morning for a while, so last week my dad helped me pump up my tires and, wouldn't you know it, the next morning one of them was flat again. So now we have to go get a new tire. But you know... I'm okay with that. Now I can enjoy the colors and warm weather without speeding past it (because you know I'm a speed demon on a bike... haha.)

My favorite things about Spring are the colors and the rain. I love the flowers and the green grass and the popcorn popping on the apricot tree! Someone asked me the other day what my favorite flower is, and at the time I didn't really think I had a favorite. I said, "oh I like 'em all!" Tulips, roses, daisies, lilies, carnations... you name it! But just a few days ago I realized I do have one... lilacs. At the store where I work (which is actually just a little old house that has been adopted) there are these random bushes all around the yard/parking lot, and since I only
started working there in August I didn't notice until this week that they're lilac bushes! One reason that I love them so much is because they're gorgeous and the smell is simply heaven!! Another reason, the biggest reason, is because they remind me of my Grandma Jean. (Most of you know what I mean.) She had a lilac bush in her front yard and I remember whenever we would go visit my grandparents we would pick some to take in to her. I can't ever walk by a lilac bush without thinking about her.

Speaking of my grandma, this week I have felt her extra close to me. Heavenly Father is so amazing, and I'm grateful that He allows the people that we know to help us, even if it's through the veil. If ever there was a guardian angel, she's it. They really are closer than we think.

Well, I'm signing off now. I hope you all have a great week! Love ya!

Friday, May 9, 2008

Impatient

Both feet are tapping, her breathing is shallow,
Eyes steal a glance at the hands of the clock,
Fingers are fidgety, wiggly, fumbly,
Open-windowed breezes silently mock.

Infinite voices are droning and babbling.
Garbled words, meaningless, hang stale, unheard.
Into one ear and out of the other,
And though no one's list'ning, the time's not deterred.

Seconds are lifetimes, and minutes eons.
Eighty four tiles on the ceiling above.
Doodles on paper: a stick-man with horns.
Stomach is grumbling; an internal shove.

Telephones ringing and printers, they print.
Suddenly, headache: a non-welcome guest.
Finally, BREAKTIME, no moment too soon.
She gone! Now I'll let you SEE the rest.


Friday, May 2, 2008

Shortened

I CHOPPED OFF MY HAIR!!!
So last night I read this book that my mom gave me for my birthday. It's called "Makeover." It's by this LDS author, and basically it's the cliché makeover story where the main character realizes that it's what's on the inside that matters. Anyway, the girl and her mom own a beauty salon and throughout the whole book they were talking about the haircuts they were giving and it just got to me!! I wanted a haircut! So this morning after cleaning Mrs. Covington's house that's exactly what I did. I didn't even know what I wanted them to do with it, I just knew I wanted a change. So what the heck. Short.
Short, short, short. But not as short as the last time.

But yeah. I feel... invigorated!! Don't ask me why. But in all honesty, I love my hair. It's short and playful and bouncy! Yup. I said it. Bouncy.

So I took this picture with my cell phone because I needed to show you SOMETHING. It's not the best pic, but whatev.


Oh my gosh, I just realized I said "whatev" like it was a normal, everyday word. Ug. Jake is turning me into a... well... something. Something that says "whatev" and "jk" and "lol" in live conversation. I can't believe it!! I will NOT be dragged into this informal texting language!!

And we're back.

It's obvious I didn't learn the lesson the author hoped I would. Although the book DID make me feel all special and happy inside, all I really wanted was a haircut. Am I insensitive or something?

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tageslichtorchestrierung

Happy Tuesday everyone!! I wasn't feeling all that great today, but hey... when life gives you the flu, SIT ON THE COUCH AND WATCH ENDLESS EPISODES OF [insert TV show]!!! Yes, yes. It was a very productive day. Anyway, I'm still in quite a good mood despite the illness. I got a good nap, my favorite "Idol" did well *coughDavidArchulettacough,* and the Campbell's chicken noodle soup I had for dinner was mmm mmm good.

So, being new to this whole blog thing, I'm not quite sure what else I'm supposed to say. I guess I should probably start with an attention grabber like "it was a dark and stormy night..." but unfortunately my life just isn't that exciting.

Instead, let's go with "it was a warm-ish and fairly cloudy week." Thank goodness we had a few nice days or I might have gone into hibernation. At least there's hope!! Mostly this week I've just been working at my little music store, aka THE COOLEST JOB ON THE PLANET! I mean, honestly. Where else can you hang out and look through stacks of music and music-related-items (which I can purchase with my 15% employee discount), listen to whatever your heart desires at full blast, sing at the top of your lungs and only stop when you happen to see a customer pull up in the parking lot?? Oh, and get paid for it?? Yeah. Nuff said.

Ooo!! I bought some freakishly-awesome shoes on Saturday. I've been needing some new tennis shoes for a while, as my old ones developed a gaping hole on my most recent four wheeling expedition. So it was off to Payless. After scanning the endless shelves of footwear for over two whole minutes, what should I happen to come upon but a pair of lime-green tennis shoes elegantly braided with neon yellow laces... and in my size too!! They simply spoke to my sole. (That was a terrible pun, I know, but I couldn't resist!) Of course I had to buy them. When will I ever get another chance like this, I ask you?? I'm just excited to go running in them!

Here's the lovely picture I took. Ain't they purdy??


And in this next paragraph, Sarah will attempt normality. Ahem.

So, I'm writing a symphony.
Laugh if you will... but remember, even some of the greatest composers were laughed at. That is, until the laughers HEARD THE MUSIC!! (Is "laughers" a word?) Well, the point is I have no idea what to call it. For the time being, it is simply called "Tageslichtorchestrierung." I don't even know how to spell it without checking, let alone say it.
I'll tell you the story behind that one. I love "Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven and decided to legally infringe upon his rights and use "Sunlight Orchestration" for my piece. That sounded too boring though, so I translated it into Beethoven's native tongue. (Which is German, for those of you who didn't happen to know.) Anyway, that's as good as it's gonna get for now. If you have any suggestions please let me know.
And Cindy, I'll pay you two bucks if you tell me how to pronounce that!!

Well that's a long enough post for now, I suppose. I hope you all have a wonderful week!! (Oh, and that whole "normality" thing?? Yeah. I don't think that panned out too well.)

Love you guys!