Not Now

WAIT!
This can't happen...
not now!

My life was mapped out,
scripted,
edited and revised
and in it's final draft.
I knew the whole story, and it had a happy ending.

In another lifetime of mine
long ago
this would have been a wonderful twist of fate,
a fabulous plot,
but

not now.

My head is spinning
and if the words on the pages keep rearranging themselves
I may never recapture the meaning.

But of course
I am not the Author
even though I sometimes wish I was,
and all of this desperate erasing and hurried scribbling of mine won't do much good.

The blueprints have already been sketched out
by somebody much wiser than me.
The only element I control is the main character,and I wonder: With all of these spiraling storylines and unexpected obstacles,

will I be the heroine or villain of my own story?