Merciless

February frosts my windowpane and my expression.

With a sullen glance at the clock on the wall, I can't help but wonder if the cold that has frozen everything outside has taken hold of time as well.

Winter has curled her slender, pale fingers around my world and won't relent her grip until her shift is over.

Will she ever take a year off?

Peeved.

There's a mountain in my kitchen.

It's made of plates and bowls.

It's overrun the sink and more...

including all our souls.

I'd swear the thing's alive,

a reproductive pile.

I've finally come unhinged at this,

my own customized trial.

You'd never guess that dishes

could irk a coed so...

but OCD is real, you see

and peaks when sinks o'erflow.

My eyes well up with tears.

My roomies just ignore it.

But when your life's in disarray,

you sometimes have to CHORE it!

Day two hundred and five:

My fingers have decayed.

It's hard to type with only stubs,

but it's a worthy trade.

Escuela

Wednesday already?

I cannot believe how fast the days have gone since I started school again. It's fine with me!!

Yesterday I was only supposed to have one class and it was cancelled for the week, so I got to sleep in and lounge around the apartment all day. Woo! I did get up at a reasonable hour... ten thirty... ha... and I wrote an english paper and studied for my math test. Oh, and who could forget American Idol??

This morning I woke up early for my early morning math class. I felt like I did pretty well on the test, and it only took me twenty-five minutes! Yay!

In English we spent most of the time discussing the university budget cuts and all of the protests that are going on this week. I, being the uninformed dunce that I am, have no intention of participating in the rally at the capitol this Friday, but am grateful that class is cancelled because of it.

Political science was interesting, as usual. I really enjoy the lectures, but I think I'm going to really have to study if I want to pass the tests. Eee!

Institute is ALWAYS a joy. My institute teacher has such a wonderful connection with the spirit, and the way he explains gospel principles makes so much sense to me! I didn't realize how much I'd come to count on that class.

CHOIR. Need I say more? I can't even describe the way that I feel when I sing in a group like that. I love being able to release my own emotion into the music to make it more meaningful. I love the way the room reverberates with sound when we come to the climax of the song or when our quiet oohs blend together. The buzzing in my head doesn't stop for a long time after class, and I wish it didn't have to. Fifty minutes is waaaaay too short for a class like that, even after a long day.

The class that was cancelled this week is Life Science. Meh. That's all I can say about it.

So that's school. Besides that, my roommates Lindsey, Courtney, Shelly, Lauren and Caroline keep my life interesting. I love them all so much for different reasons, but mostly because we all get along and have such a good time together. Tonight (after American idol) we made a run to Village Inn for a late night dinner. We all needed a night out, and it was just pure fun to go do something spontaneous for once.

On Sunday after I got back from my visit with my family, I went to ward prayer and the first councillor in the bishopric asked if he could visit with me for a few minutes. He pulled me aside and asked if I would be a visiting teaching coordinator. I don't know exactly what all of my duties will be, but I'm excited! I also contacted my visiting teaching companion, Abigail (Abby) and from what I've found out about her so far, I think we'll be great friends.

Hmmm. Well tomorrow (actually, I guess technically it's today) I'll probably be studying most of the day for my political science test. I'm a tad bit worried about it, but I'm going to try to be positive. Wish me luck!

Thanks for all you do! Have a wonderful day.

YAWN

Well, it's Monday.

School has been going well so far. I've quite enjoyed my classes, and my roommates are all wonderful. I do get really homesick at times, but usually I have homework to take my mind off of it. I don't know if that's a blessing or not...

This weekend was AWESOME. I went home on Friday to see mi familia, and I can't even begin to tell you how much I needed it. It was nice to sleep in my own bed again and to be able to give everyone a hug.

I feel like I should have a ton of stuff to report, but really all I do up here is go to class and do my homework. I guess that's a good thing, but it doesn't make for a very interesting blog post, so I apologize.

I hope you are all doing well! Love you guys. Ciao!

Battle

You've heard before

of a Savior,

merciful,

who waits just out of reach.

He watches you.

He weeps.

With each blow you receive

He trembles

for He knows that pain all too well.

It takes all the strength He possesses

for Him to hold back His

gentle,

powerful

Hands.

You recognize Him.

You are desperate for His company.

You long to be

l o o s e d 

from the bands which hold you fast

but you cannot meet His Gaze.

Shame steadily eats away at your heart

while He, who has done nothing wrong,

suffers with you.

Yet, as you ache

to the point of no tears,

you know you cannot break the chains

alone.

Beckoning.

Pleading.

Imploring.

He whispers your name.

You need only ask for His Rest.

In the moment of true hopelessness

your eyes,

unguarded,

reach His.

You lift a trembling hand 

toward His flawless face.

His eyes brighten

as He offers a scarred palm.

You are too weak to stand by yourself,

but He will never

never

leave you alone

as long as your fingers are stretched

toward His Hands;

as long as your eyes look up

to His Face;

as long as your heart yearns 

for His Rest.

Using all the strength you have

and crying for the strength He can give,

you know there is

not

one

thing

that could keep you from trying.

You feebly bring yourself to your knees

and come closer.

With each agonizing moment,

each tear,

it becomes easier to move

because now He knows you can

and He eagerly reaches to help.

Fingers softly meet,

and as He slackens the chains around your wrists

you fall once again

to your knees.

Not from weakness now,

but from strength;

strength you didn't know you possessed;

the strength that only comes

from Him.

Not Now

WAIT!
This can't happen...
not now!

My life was mapped out,
scripted,
edited and revised
and in it's final draft.
I knew the whole story, and it had a happy ending.

In another lifetime of mine
long ago
this would have been a wonderful twist of fate,
a fabulous plot,
but

not now.

My head is spinning
and if the words on the pages keep rearranging themselves
I may never recapture the meaning.

But of course
I am not the Author
even though I sometimes wish I was,
and all of this desperate erasing and hurried scribbling of mine won't do much good.

The blueprints have already been sketched out
by somebody much wiser than me.
The only element I control is the main character,and I wonder: With all of these spiraling storylines and unexpected obstacles,

will I be the heroine or villain of my own story?

sarah, in the life

1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Tiny Taurus

Ha! Lamest rock star ever...

2. YOUR GANGSTA STAR NAME (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Chocolate Flats

Peesh out... mah new album drop next surrrrsdai, ya'll biscutheads (......don't ask.)

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal):

Yes, these are my children... Flying Eagle, Running Bear, oh yeah... and the insane one over there? That's Orange Penguin.

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Lynne Provo

I don't really have a middle name, but if I did, this is what it would be... I can see that, I guess.

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name): Chrsa

And how do you pronounce that, I wonder? Maybe it's Wookie.

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Red Water

Oh so intimidating. :D

7. NASCAR NAME (the names of your grandfathers): Dick Douglas... or Doug Richard.

Either one sounds legit to me!

8. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher's last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Dibb Dover

We'll be experience some dorkiness from the west and some light showers throughout the Wasatch Front...

9. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, favorite flower): Autumn Lily

Double-Oh-Seven Autumn Lily sounds better though.

10. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you are wearing right now): Raspberry Socks

Oh I can just picture it... a cute, cuddly, sugary-sweet, pink ball of fur with googly eyes and striped socks... "Come on kids! Let's all count to four backwards from purple!"

11. HIPPIE NAME (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Granolabar Aspen

HAHAHA this is the best one!!