Not Now

WAIT!
This can't happen...
not now!

My life was mapped out,
scripted,
edited and revised
and in it's final draft.
I knew the whole story, and it had a happy ending.

In another lifetime of mine
long ago
this would have been a wonderful twist of fate,
a fabulous plot,
but

not now.

My head is spinning
and if the words on the pages keep rearranging themselves
I may never recapture the meaning.

But of course
I am not the Author
even though I sometimes wish I was,
and all of this desperate erasing and hurried scribbling of mine won't do much good.

The blueprints have already been sketched out
by somebody much wiser than me.
The only element I control is the main character,and I wonder: With all of these spiraling storylines and unexpected obstacles,

will I be the heroine or villain of my own story?

sarah, in the life

1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Tiny Taurus

Ha! Lamest rock star ever...

2. YOUR GANGSTA STAR NAME (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Chocolate Flats

Peesh out... mah new album drop next surrrrsdai, ya'll biscutheads (......don't ask.)

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal):

Yes, these are my children... Flying Eagle, Running Bear, oh yeah... and the insane one over there? That's Orange Penguin.

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Lynne Provo

I don't really have a middle name, but if I did, this is what it would be... I can see that, I guess.

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name): Chrsa

And how do you pronounce that, I wonder? Maybe it's Wookie.

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Red Water

Oh so intimidating. :D

7. NASCAR NAME (the names of your grandfathers): Dick Douglas... or Doug Richard.

Either one sounds legit to me!

8. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher's last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Dibb Dover

We'll be experience some dorkiness from the west and some light showers throughout the Wasatch Front...

9. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, favorite flower): Autumn Lily

Double-Oh-Seven Autumn Lily sounds better though.

10. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you are wearing right now): Raspberry Socks

Oh I can just picture it... a cute, cuddly, sugary-sweet, pink ball of fur with googly eyes and striped socks... "Come on kids! Let's all count to four backwards from purple!"

11. HIPPIE NAME (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Granolabar Aspen

HAHAHA this is the best one!!

do you feel unresolved?

you are the only scan in my life.

but this, friend, is no fault of mine!

this unruly scanner is broken

now it won't even scan a straight

stroke.

i've endeavored and toiled and i've strived

in order to get it to work

but, sadly, this scanner's decided

to be stubborn, and frankly, a

moron.

it's determined to eat all my paper

and if it defies me once more

i swear, i won't put up with this bilge.

i'm shoving it out through the

window.

now i've just had it up to my ears

and it's all that this poor girl can take

does anyone here have an asprin?

'cause my head is beginning to

throb.

now, some guys would scream or they'd cry

or they'd kick the darn thing, just to show 'em

but me? well i'm simply a nerd

i've resorted to writing this

ditty.

my dismal dehydration

Toe, heel. Toe, heel.

One foot over the other.

The width of the curb is not very forgiving,

but,

like a gymnast on a beam,

I balance precariously.

The umbrella in my hand

is only catching the wind

and tugging me to either side;

baked brown grass to my right,

and pavement on my left.

There is no rain,

but maybe when the clouds see

how I'm waiting down here,

raincoat and all,

they will take pity on me

and spare a few drops.

Look.

I even wore my plastic boots,

the gaudy yellow ones

that blister my heels

in case of puddles, naturally.

They're called galoshes,

but that word gets stuck in my throat.

It's just my luck.

There has never been

a dryer

umbrella.

love this word

cantankerous

adjective

bad-tempered, argumentative, and uncooperative : a crusty, cantankerous old man

**************************

Don't talk to me

I'm cantankerous

I'm ornery and rude

and irate.

If I say something now

that hurts you somehow,

forgive me.

I'm just in a state.

A state of hysteria

weird, but emphatic

So please, keep your distance

For now

Though tomorrow may bring

more "cantankerous-ing"

Understand, I'm just having

A cow.

In the main,

I'm an angel

A regular gem.

Though my halo hangs

rather askew,

But remember, my dear

when bugs fly in YOUR ear

that "cantankerous" will describe

YOU.

My All Night Encounter with Mr. Potter

Last night, I decided that I needed to reread Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. (That's book seven, in case you weren't positive.) I'd only read it once before -- the day after it was released -- and that was in a hurry because I wanted to know how it all ended. I read it in less than 10 hours that day and didn't remember much of the story, so of course I wanted to take it nice and slow this time as to let the meaning and events sink in. So at about eight o'clock I sunk into my cozy armchair, clad in warm pajamas and wrapped enchilada-style in a fleece blanket, intent on going to bed at a decent hour. Yeah. Little red lights and sirens should have been going off in my head about then, but apparently my family has been correct in assuming that the wiring in my brain is a little off.

You'd think after nineteen years of reading I would have recognized the pattern. So here's a rule I'm writing for myself, which I'm sure I will break in the future, but it's worth a try: DO NOT BEGIN BOOKS LATE AT NIGHT IF YOU PLAN TO GET ANY REST WHATSOEVER.

So there I am, absentmindedly munching on dry cereal, chewing ferociously at the intense parts, when my alarm clock buzzed annoyingly. Confused, I glanced over at the dresser to see neon numbers garishly glaring at me with the clear message that either my brothers were playing a sick joke on me, or that I had been sucked into this wizarding world once again. 6:30.

Not seeing any point in relinquishing the book for my bed, I quickly finished and hopped into the shower, only now realizing that I hadn't shifted positions once the entire night. My neck groaned in stiff, sharp pain as I tilted my head toward the shampoo. Ouch.

Well I'm off to bed now. No books or anything of the like for me tonight. Just a niiiiice, waaaaarm, relaaaaaxing.... zzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZ.....

Ode to Kristen and Calvin

Hmmmm.

I was going to try to write a poem here, but sorry... I'm not feeling the vibe. But anyway, this post is dedicated to Kristen and Calvin in the hopes that they will not feel it necessary to get after me for my anti-cyber-social ways.

Today my mom, Becca, Kate, Nate and I went to the Springville Museum of Art. (Jake didn't want to come... he wanted to work in the yard. Of course. Who wouldn't?) As we walked through the rooms filled with Utah-born artist's work I became aware that I have learned to appreciate things in different ways. When I was younger I would have looked at most of the paintings/sculptures/etc. and yawned as I ambled on over to the gift shop, (I suppose that would be because I considered myself a great artist at that age) but taking a closer look at all of the details and colors I realized that visual art is one of the talents I'm definitely lacking in. I mean, I can draw a stick figure just as well as the next guy, but let's be honest, I'm no di Vinci.

Anyway, it made me remember a lesson we had in Sunday school a few weeks ago about having different abilities, and that every talent and trait that we have make up the whole. I don't think they were necessarily talking about talents like visual art, music or sports, but I feel like it can apply to most things. One of my favorite quotes is one from Elder Joseph B. Worthlin's talk from general conference. "The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world." I love that. (Which might be because I'm a sucker for musical references... but who knows.) It's nice to be able to appreciate the talents of others and hopefully someday I'll be able to contribute to the "vibrant orchestra" of talents as well.

Well, that's enough about that. I also wanted to show everybody this new website that my cousin Rachel introduced me to. (Angie, you might especially appreciate this!!) It's called 43things.com, and basically you can make a list of up to 43 things that you want to do, either before you die, or just whatever. A bucket list, so to speak. If/when you end up doing them, you can cross them off the list. I've made my own, and the link is on the right of the screen beneath all of my pictures under "43 things" if any of you want to check it out. (It's kind of an extension of my "To Do Before I Die" post below...)

I guess I'm done for today then. I'll try to be better at keeping this thing up to date. I hope you have a wonderful week!